What You’re Doing That’s Making People Tune Out

May 14, 2025

You’ve got something important to say — a pitch, a perspective, a message that matters.
But halfway through speaking, you notice it: glazed eyes, awkward silence, that “they're-not-really-listening” energy.

What gives?

The problem isn’t always what you’re saying.
It’s how you're unknowingly sabotaging your communication.

In this post, we’re shining a light on the hidden communication habits that quietly kill connection, clarity, and credibility — and what to do instead.

🚨 Saboteur #1: Overexplaining

If you think people will understand better if you just say it one more time, in a slightly different way, with extra context... stop.

Overexplaining = mistrust in disguise.

It sends the message:

“I don’t think you’re smart enough to get this the first time.”

It also signals your insecurity. You’re not trying to clarify — you’re trying to control.

✅ Instead:

Say it once, clearly.
Then pause. Let them ask if they need more.
Trust your message and your audience.

🚨 Saboteur #2: Talking to Hear Yourself Think

You’re rambling. Circling. Starting five thoughts before finishing one.
You’re not talking to connect — you’re talking to process.

That’s fine… in your journal. Not in your leadership meeting.

✅ Instead:

Think before you speak.
Bullet-point your message if needed.
Practice the “headline first” approach: lead with the point, then support it.

🚨 Saboteur #3: Filler Words That Drain Your Power

“Like… um… I just feel like… you know?”
Filler words aren’t evil, but overusing them makes you sound unsure — even when your ideas are brilliant.

They distract. They dilute. They dull your delivery.

✅ Instead:

Replace filler words with pauses.
Record yourself speaking and notice patterns.
Practice deliberate speaking: slower, clearer, intentional.

🚨 Saboteur #4: Defaulting to Passive Language

If you say:

“I was just wondering if maybe…”
“I could be wrong but…”
“It might sort of be helpful if…”

You're burying your message under a pile of disclaimers.

That passive, hesitant energy confuses people and weakens your credibility.

✅ Instead:

Say what you mean. Direct doesn’t mean rude.

❌ “I was thinking it might kind of help to change the format?”
✅ “Let’s change the format — it’ll help with clarity.”

Own your message. Say it like you believe it.

🚨 Saboteur #5: Speaking Without Checking the Emotional Temperature

You launch into facts, stats, or your own agenda — without considering the emotional context of the moment.

If someone’s upset, distracted, or overwhelmed, they can’t hear you — even if you’re technically making sense.

✅ Instead:

Ask yourself: “What’s the emotional vibe in the room right now?”
If needed, acknowledge the emotion first:

“I can tell this has been frustrating. Let’s take a breath before we dive in.”

People listen better when they feel seen.

🚨 Saboteur #6: Using 10 Words When 5 Would Do

More words = more clarity, right?
Wrong.
More words often = more confusion.

Brevity shows you’ve done the mental work. It gives your listener something to hold onto.

✅ Instead:

Edit yourself mid-sentence.
Use simple, vivid language.
Get to the point, then stop talking.

🚨 Saboteur #7: Assuming Instead of Confirming

You think they understood.
They nodded, after all.
But later… they do the opposite of what you thought you said.

Why? Because nods aren't confirmation — they’re often just polite.

✅ Instead:

Ask for feedback or a recap:

“How are you interpreting this?”
“What’s your takeaway from this conversation?”

This builds mutual clarity and accountability.

Final Thought: Communication Is a Skill, Not a Talent

Most people think they’re “pretty good communicators.”
But communication isn’t just about talking — it’s about being understood.

And that means getting curious about the habits that could be getting in your way.

So here’s your challenge:

The next time you speak — in a meeting, a message, or a meaningful moment — slow down and ask:
Am I sabotaging my own message?
If yes, hit pause.
Then choose a better move.

Because clear, confident, emotionally intelligent communication?
That’s not an accident.
That’s a practice.